You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
