so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
