he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
