I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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