The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
