I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
