just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
