if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
