I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
