Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
