you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
