I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
