I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
