You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
