Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
