i jhust puked up my retainher.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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