He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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