Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
