i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
