i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
