i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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