So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
