Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
