I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
