she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
