I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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