i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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