Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
