It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
