I didn't shave. On purpose
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
