Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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