the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
