Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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