I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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