Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
