I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
