This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
someone owes me an orgasm
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's shark week go big or go home
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
