Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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