OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
