Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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