He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
