I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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