genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
