and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
