I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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