the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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