i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
