so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
