Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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