i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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